To the Tyranny of Admins and other Undead

Alright, it’s like this; I’m not allowed to make any comments on this site until I put up a post. Chris says he’ll just delete them if I do. Now that’s tyranny folks. So anyways here it goes…..

When Chris put this site together we were all expected to assist. Fraser was going to do video games, Scott was going to do music, Robin was going to do movies etc. etc. and we were all going to do anything dork. The thing that I was supposed to cover was comic books and I’m not really sure why cause I haven’t really collected in years. In fact both Adam and Robin have probably forgotten more about comics than I’ll ever know. But I guess I had to have something to do. So here is my comic rant.

 

And it’s about Archie.

 

Yes Archie. I mean what the fuck! According to Wikipedia Archie has been around since 1941. That’s 67 years! And the guys still looks 18. Either he’s found the fountain of youth or we’re talking some serious undead shit here. If he had found the fountain of youth, I doubt he’d have kept the whole town of Riverdale around with him. So that settles it. You heard it here first, Archie is undead. But let’s look a little closer. At first I was thinking pure vampire. What with the way he’s always chasing the ladies and it only makes sense that eventually the whole town would be converted just by Jugheads appetite alone. But then I was thinking that they are always at the beach soaking up the rays so that theory doesn’t work either. Then it hits me……. zombies. They’re all freaking zombies. It makes perfect sense. Immortality in the bag and they still do the same things over and over again. Veronica is ALWAYS spending money. Betty is ALWAYS doing something sweet. Moose is ALWAYS clubbing people over the head. Josie and the Pussycats are ALWAYS waiting for their big break (although, I hear musicians are just like that). Pops is ALWAYS working the soda shop. That’s one of the defining characteristics of zombies; they’re always going after one thing. I blame Hollywood for making us all believe that the only thing they want is brains. And that’s the other thing, brains! Never, ever has any zombie ever exhibited an I.Q. higher than that of a love child between Beavis and Anna-Nicole Smith. Zombies are just plain stupid. Now let’s look at Archie. The guy has been chasing after the same two girls for over sixty years. What’s worse is that they both like him and he still can’t seal the deal. That takes stupid to a whole new level. None of his friends are any better. Did any of them become lawyers, doctors, carpenters or any sort of respectable trade? No. In fact they are all still in high school. Statistics state that at least one of them should have gone emo and off’d themselves by now. But they all just keep going. And going. And going. Which makes me wonder….? Do you think they’d ever consider an Archie/Shaun of the Dead crossover?

 

Review for Haze on the PS3


haze ps3 game review

Well this is my first game review.

It’s on the game Haze for the PS3. As I have just started playing Metal Gear Solid 4 it will be slightly coloured by this. By the way MGS 4 review is next.

Haze has a great premise…hint this alludes to how i think of it.

The start of the game you are a mantel soldier part of the private army of the mantel corporation. The corporation gives their soldiers drugs so they like to kill and can be controlled this drug ….is supposed to… make you super human: run faster, hit harder, super heal, and see better (read enemies glow).

This sounds cool but in practice your sense of speed while moving does not seem boosted. Neither is the super strength helpful as it is hard for you to hit the enemies that are right in front of you. The healing, or tolerance to pain is not done well either. Yes you can take alot of bullets when you doped up but it doesn’t really register, you do get the now common red haze of damage, but it seems to be always there and you have no level of damage perception. They would have done better with a doped response like “yah baby give it too me’ or flares on the screen, or even surges of clarity when shot. Finally the super sight boils down to a high lighting off the bad guys which takes away from the graphics as all the enemies become big blobs of pinkish light. Fortunately or unfortunately this is only a small part of the begging of the game. Think about it, it is the premise of the game being in a haze of dope filled killing yet its not really impressed upon you. The best part of the first quarter of the game is when it starts to show you what really happening.

If you didn’t know I’m sorry but its not like they tried to keep it a secret.

You learn its all a lie and defect to the other side. The neat thing about this game is that here is where the play style changes. You go from lumbering tank, to agile guerrilla. You can: faint death, make dope bombs (so the enemies overdose), run faster–weird i thought that was what the dope was supposed to do– jump higher, and you get knifes for melee combat, which seem far cooler and easier to use then the doped up super strength.

So the game has a great premise and really gets close to almost hitting the mark.

The change up of the two kinds of play styles are cool. But the differences could have been more emphasized. The mantel dope fiends could have been a little more crazy and red necked. The guerrilla part more survivalist, out number out gunned. The story could have been better, emphasizing the evil of control and drugs.

As a fan of FPS i would say rent it and yes if press for time maybe skip it and hope for a copy or different version that’s better.

In the Begining….

Alright I’ll join this party online and finally write something. The ritlin has worn off so there will be missing words and it will be poorly spelt, but if you want to read it deal with it!!

I debated for a while of what i was going to write about and how to make it interesting… I could talk about some gory stuff i have seem at work/school, like skin grafts that did not work so there is this open flap of tissue an inch thick hangin off somones body and being able to then stick your entire finger into the wound because it has tunneled. But i thought i would save some of that stuff for another time.

I think i will do some installments of how the group started and had chnaged over the years or maybe i’ll start it and people can pick up where i left off. We started playing at my grandma house that was for sale so i was staying in it while it was on the market. It was so long ago i can’t remember if we started of playing D&D or Rifts. Either way the first night we were playing we ordered pizza from panago, and one of those pizzas was BBQ Chicken and the White spent half the night witht the procelen god. Again my spelling is shitty. It Was good times and Garth is an amazing DM.

Its been so long i can’t remember the orginal core group: Garth, Me, The White, Ken, Gueab, Garret???? OK help with this?

Top 5 Reasons You Know You Are a Dork

Over the past week, a few things occurred to me that made me realize just how much of a Dork I really am.  My first clue really should have been that I write on a blog titled Dork and Beans.  Now I am sure that everyone’s list will be different, and I encourage you to share what makes you a Dork, in the comments section below.

The White’s Top 5 Reasons You Know You Are a Dork.

5. You know the two uses for a d12 as listed in the D&D Player’s Handbook 3.0 (and you skimmed through the book to ensure that their are only two).

4. You constantly find dice underneath the cushions of your couch, and not just any dice, but polyhedron dice.

3. You find bits of broken light saber from a battle long past(and you even moved and yet you still somehow find pieces).

2. When you go to play a board game you find that the game no longer has any dice, as you raided it years earlier for the 12th level fireball.

1. You have been playing DnD every Sunday night with the same group of Dorks for the past 10 years.

So, what makes you a dork?  Leave a comment below and share what makes you a Dork!