Will The Real Gary Oldman Please Stand Up

Actor Gary Oldman

Maybe I have some problems with the part of my brain that identifies people. Maybe this part of the brain is limited to a handful of people. Of course I think this disability is directly related to Gary Oldman. I am really starting to think I have a condition, a condition I like to call:

Oldmanidentisis

There may be some of you suffer this very affliction. If you have the inability to indentify Gary Oldman when you see him, then maybe you suffer from Oldmanidentisis. For most of you it is not a debilitating disability, but for me, I pride myself on being able to notice actors and connect them with other actors and projects they have done. I pick up on all of the subtle nuances that a filmmaker adds to a film. As I like to say: “I watch the movie good.”

But for some reason I cannot identify Gary Oldman when I see him.

Last night I went to see “The Dark Knight” with a large chunk of my Dork crew. I am not going to ramble on about the film, or give my opinion, I will leave that up to another Dork to post about. As we were watching the film and the character Jim Gordon came on the screen, I leaned over to Robin and said “That dude looks like the Kokanee Ranger.” What I should have said was “Gary Oldman looks like the Kokanee Ranger.” [sorry to all of you that have not seen the Kokanee commercials you may not get this reference; it’s a Canadian thing.]

Gary Oldman Kokanee Ranger

It wasn’t until the end of the movie when I saw the credits and I realized that it was in fact Gary Oldman. I understand that he played the same role in “Batman Begins,” but again I must have not noticed him.

The actor Gary Oldman is an enigma to me (and to those that are afflicted with Oldmanidentisis).

I do not think there is any treatment for this condition. I am screwed. I am going to live my whole life not being able to identify Gary Oldman. I just hope that I am not the only one with Oldmanidentisis. Maybe it’s just me, but the images above do not look like the same person. Am I going crazy or is Oldmanidentisis really affecting my ability to watch Gary Oldman movies?

Please help create awareness for the debilitating disablitiy: Oldmanidentisis and Digg or Stumble Upon this article.

Half Assed

So here I am sitting at the computer, using Microsoft Turd to edit the guitar chord progressions of a Dave Matthew song. I decided to learn to play Grace is Gone. Plus a couple others that I have had to do some editing on as well. But not nearly as much as this one. I go to Ultimate Guitar for 90% of my tabs, and stuff. As I sit here and get more aggitated, I decided it would be something to rant a little about.

I have a really hard time understanding why, or even how someone can bungle the chords to a song SO badly. Its not like playing another artist music leaves a whole lot of room for change. You can play the same song in another key or something the like, or add in a few supplementary chords to spicethings up a bit. But YOU CANNOT JUST FKN MAKE SHIT UP. If someone is going to go to all the trouble of posting a song they figured out online, then they should make sure its correct. The purpose in putting it online is to provide an ACCURATE representation of the song for someone else to learn.

If I wanted to do a puzzle, the last place I would look to do it is on a guitar tablature site.

Figuring out a song, and writing it down can be good practice, and quite rewarding. But before you present it to the general public, play it a few times. Take a good look at it. Make sure it looks right, and is playable the way you wrote it. Someone once sait to me, “If a man cant be bothered to polish his shoes, imagine the other things he cant be bothered to do”. Like tune his guitar, or wipe his ass after taking a shit.

Point is ….. if you cant be bothered to make ‘educational’ material correct, then stop wiping your ass. Or someone else is going to have to do it for you. Only babies, and geriatrics should get that kind of special treatement.

 

The Duck

 

B===D —  —  –  ______      Spurt

Wanted: I’m Still Not Sure What My Thoughts Are…

wanted angelina jolie naked

My first thoughts were: Angelina Jolie and Morgan Freeman wouldn’t both make poor movie choices would they?

After the first 5 minutes of the film I had realized that I was trapped. I was stuck in a watching a movie that was going to be garbage. I’m not really a film snob, but sometimes I can be. Of course I have the ability to turn off the snob factor and enjoy a movie for what it is. Just entertainment.

So I decided to put away the fact that James McAvoys attempt at an american accent made it seem like he was a bad actor, and also the fact that the character of Welsey Gibson seemed to change his personality at the drop of a hat.

So again, step 1: Enjoy it as an action movie.

As soon as Angeline showed up on screen it was a bit of a relief. Ok someone is here to save this film. And for the next 10 minutes of action she did. I thought alright I came for an action movie and this is what I am getting.

And then the action went away and I was left with story. And I kept swearing to myself that I had heard this story before. So I just sat there waiting for the next action scene, which sadly came near the end of the movie.

I normally love bloody gory violence. I’m talking Scorsese style point blank bullets through the brain kind of violence. And this movie had that. But something about it was just off. I still do not know what it was, but I just did not enjoy the slow motion bullets through the head. And they used the slow motion ‘Matrix bullet time’ effect way too much.

The familiar story line still bugged me…until I actually figured out where they had ripped the story of from. For the average person it would be hard to notice the similarity, but as a super dork I saw it. I think as I spell it out here it will be obvious:

[spoiler alert]
1. Main character has no real family.
2. Main character meets someone who tells them that some evil person/organization has killed the father they never knew.
3. Main character has some special ability that is rarely found in people.
4. Main character must train and properly harness this power prior to confronting ‘this evil’ that has killed his father.
5. Main character realizes that the ‘evil’ entity/organization is actually his father.

Start guessing kids…

Lamen Science Fair 2008 !!

YAY SCIENCE !!So, the other day when I got backto the warehouse from delivering beer, I was confronted with a large somewhat human looking ape. It was amazing that it could even speak english. Even more amazing was that it actually had opposable thumbs. Crazy.

Anyhow, to get to the meat and potato part. It said this out of nowhere :

What the Fv<K does Al Gore Know about anything anyhow”   *scratch* *grunt*   “Global warming is a joke. It doesnt exist. What happends when you put an ice cube into water and let it melt ? The water stays the same fv<king level”.

I tried to reason with the ape for a short period of time, but it would apear it could only speak english, not understand it. Because I had more important things to do than argue the valid points of climate change with an ape, I went back to work. But the whole incident got me thinking…….

What do I actually KNOW about climate change, and global warming ? Very little. I hear about it all the time on the news, in newspapers, and in conversations with friends, and family. 99% of what I thought I knew, is pure speculation. I havent seen any proof of the ocean level rising. I have never been to either of the Poles to see for myself how the ice-caps are melting, and breaking away. Nor will I, most likely. I dont get more sun burnt now than I did as a child. Big cities, and industrial towns have always had a yellow stinky haze around them.

The one thing that I DO KNOW has changed, is the weather patterns. It seems to be going bizonkers all across the earth. Floods, snow storms, heat waves, tornadoes, tsunamis, hurricaines, and all other extremes are actually becoming a pretty serious problem. Im not so sure the ocean level will rise significantly, or that the climate in general is going to get a lot warmer. As we get more heat, and the ice caps actually do start evaporating, it will just create more precipitation, more air currents for insane ‘tropical’ storms, and tidal currents for tsunamis and such. All of these things together will make summers hotter, spring wetter, winter colder, and snowy’r, and …. well, nobody likes fall anyways. Gotta go back to school. But the weather systems will get crazy. From one extreme to the other.

Thats just my oppinion.

Now for the lamen science fair :

I am going to check into this ocean level rising thing for myself. I have devised a grade 5 experiment involving miniature icebergs, that I will create myself, and a sealed tub. Im going to make the goofy cardboard backboard thing, with the hypothesis……. and all the other stuff. I’ll figure out what those are later. I will be making some little vids, and taking some pics of the entire thing. Its going to be fun.

Feel free to make your own science fair project, and document it for us all to see. Also any input you guys have would be good to know. Thanks.

More later.

The Duck     B===o  —  —    –   –