Arming Up for the Zombie Showdown

So, what’s the best weapon to have, in case of a zombie apocalypse?

Oooookay . . . . . interesting question

Personally, my vote goes to the shotgun. Often venerated, never under-rated with more bang for your buck than anything ‘cept your sister, it’s gotta be a contender, right? Ordinarily, a shotgun would end most arguments, (and field testing at debate clubs confirm this) but we do have to concern ourselves with the question of ammo. Precisely, what you do when you run out. In this case, the answer is “get proper fucked.” You could use it as a club, which is more than what you could say for other guns. (I’m looking at you Glock. Plastic parts may cut it for Michael Jackson, but not for pistol whipping the undead hordes.) I suppose the crisis of ammo consumption would eliminate most firearms from the list, and probably knocks chainsaws off as well for the similar situation regarding fuel.

Damn, I was looking forward to those.

Anyway, that brings us to weapons without reloading requirements. A baseball bat seems reliable, but the custom jobs seem to break with alarming regularity in the major league. Oh well, you’re probably better off with a cricket bat anyway. You’ve seen “Shaun of the Dead” haven’t you? Could Simon Pegg possibly lie to you?

Could Simon Pegg even kick your ass?

Probably not. Who could? I know.

Toshiro Mifune baby.

So with the reference to cinema’s sovereign samurai, as our segue way into the suggestion of swords, the debate continues. You may lack the relevant martial experience, but do you really need it? Bruce Willis wasn’t a sword-slinger, but Zed is still dead. Availability of the katana might be an issue, so if you’re looking for some heavy metal to cleave with on a budget, you could probably make do with a fire-axe, available at most office and apartment building fire-stations. I guess the big issue with these choices is if you have enough force behind your swing to slice all the way through. If not, your sharpie is now stuck in a zombie, leaving you defenseless.

You know, this is a tough question. Just give me a minute to do some research, and reacquaint myself with the enemy.

From “thefullzombie.com” ”

A zombie will remain in a robot-like state indefinitely until he tastes either salt or meat. Then he becomes aware of his condition and returns to the grave.”
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
We’re worried about an apocalyptic attack from an army that can be subdued by Oscar Meyer? God damn it, I just know Toshiro Mifune, is spinning in his grave right now. Of course if I’m wrong and he and the other six samurai do rise from the grave, at least we can take those bitches down with hot dogs.

Eulogy for a Friend No. 2: Veronica Mars

When I was young, I preferred Nancy Drew to the Hardy Boys. I guess I’ve always had a thing for smart girl detectives. . .

On September 22, 2007, Veronica Mars aired for the first time on the now defunct UPN network. It was brilliant. Over the course of its three seasons, the few people actually watching it got to see television at its best. When it wasn’t picked up for a fourth season, I actually took the time to write to the network and tell them what I thought of their decision. Suffice it to say that TV doesn’t usually stir such passion in me.

I have to start with our firecracker title character. Kristen Bell was perfectly cast in the role, giving her a depth of character I rarely see in any entertainment medium. Veronica was complex. Sure she was witty and intelligent. Of course she was good looking and funny. Yes she was the girl I always wished existed when I was in high school but would have to wait much, much longer to actually meet. She was also overconfident, occasionally petty and insensitive, and very prone to trusting her gut when she shouldn’t, often to disastrous consequence. In short, she was very nearly a goddess. When her heart broke, mine did too.

The rest of the casting was also very good. While virtually all of the characters were standard archetypes (the steadfast best friend, the bad boy with a heart of gold, the sleazy PI, etc…), the actors brought something to make them special and memorable. Enrico Colantoni as Veronica’s dad and Tina Majorino as Mac are particular favourites of mine. Michael Muhney as Sherriff Lamb also deserves a special mention.

This show was densely plotted. There was a single overarching mystery that ran the length of the season, there were also smaller mysteries that would get solved over a three or four episode arc, and each individual episode would have a mystery that would be solved during the episode. The third season broke from this in that there was no season long mega-mystery. Instead, the writers decided that it would be easier to get new viewers into the show if they broke the season in half and had two smaller mysteries rather than the larger one. I’m sure that opinions differ, but season three, while being very good, was definitely my least favourite for that very reason.

I don’t know why Veronica Mars failed. Maybe playing in the same time-slot as Lost was its undoing. Perhaps the network didn’t promote it effectively. Maybe the continuity heavy serial nature of the show was its undoing, although programs such as the aforementioned Lost or Heroes are just as continuity heavy and seem to be thriving. I’m sure the reasons for its demise are just as complex as Veronica was.

I do know that I can see Kristen Bell in Heroes now, and though I like the character she plays (Elle) it isn’t the same. So raise those glasses again and toast Veronica Mars. Two amazing seasons and one really good one, at least she never got the chance to age gracelessly.

Lamen Science Fair 2008 !!

YAY SCIENCE !!So, the other day when I got backto the warehouse from delivering beer, I was confronted with a large somewhat human looking ape. It was amazing that it could even speak english. Even more amazing was that it actually had opposable thumbs. Crazy.

Anyhow, to get to the meat and potato part. It said this out of nowhere :

What the Fv<K does Al Gore Know about anything anyhow”   *scratch* *grunt*   “Global warming is a joke. It doesnt exist. What happends when you put an ice cube into water and let it melt ? The water stays the same fv<king level”.

I tried to reason with the ape for a short period of time, but it would apear it could only speak english, not understand it. Because I had more important things to do than argue the valid points of climate change with an ape, I went back to work. But the whole incident got me thinking…….

What do I actually KNOW about climate change, and global warming ? Very little. I hear about it all the time on the news, in newspapers, and in conversations with friends, and family. 99% of what I thought I knew, is pure speculation. I havent seen any proof of the ocean level rising. I have never been to either of the Poles to see for myself how the ice-caps are melting, and breaking away. Nor will I, most likely. I dont get more sun burnt now than I did as a child. Big cities, and industrial towns have always had a yellow stinky haze around them.

The one thing that I DO KNOW has changed, is the weather patterns. It seems to be going bizonkers all across the earth. Floods, snow storms, heat waves, tornadoes, tsunamis, hurricaines, and all other extremes are actually becoming a pretty serious problem. Im not so sure the ocean level will rise significantly, or that the climate in general is going to get a lot warmer. As we get more heat, and the ice caps actually do start evaporating, it will just create more precipitation, more air currents for insane ‘tropical’ storms, and tidal currents for tsunamis and such. All of these things together will make summers hotter, spring wetter, winter colder, and snowy’r, and …. well, nobody likes fall anyways. Gotta go back to school. But the weather systems will get crazy. From one extreme to the other.

Thats just my oppinion.

Now for the lamen science fair :

I am going to check into this ocean level rising thing for myself. I have devised a grade 5 experiment involving miniature icebergs, that I will create myself, and a sealed tub. Im going to make the goofy cardboard backboard thing, with the hypothesis……. and all the other stuff. I’ll figure out what those are later. I will be making some little vids, and taking some pics of the entire thing. Its going to be fun.

Feel free to make your own science fair project, and document it for us all to see. Also any input you guys have would be good to know. Thanks.

More later.

The Duck     B===o  —  —    –   –

 

Spears VS. Aguilera

As a follow-up to The White’s post about the Louisiana clusterfuck known as Britney Spears, I would like to point out the role reversal that has taken place between her and Christina Aguilera.

Aguilera, at one time, was the poor man’s spanker. Spears was cute, had an innocence about her and seemed to have much more talent. Aguilera looked as though she tasted of mouldy SPAM.

Even the media favoured Spears over Aguilera. At the MTV awards when Spears and Madonna shared an on-stage kiss, the cameras cut away when it was Aguilera’s turn.

Now Aguilera’s back, married, had a kid and is sporting a pair of milk filled, E-cup sweater puppies. Suddenly, even Ellen has fallen under the spell of Aguilera (and by spell, I mean staring at her tits). All things return and are triumphant in the end.

What is the point in this post. Three simple words. Tiffany sex tape. Let’s get this shit going!

Britney Spears is Singing ‘Click Me Baby One More Time’

My personal favourite word to describe Britney Spears is: Disaster. I still enjoy watching her fall apart and then pull her life together over and over again. Seriously who doesn’t love a gripping game of snakes and ladders.

But despite being a disaster, she still holds a small piece of me. She used to be hot right, maybe she can do it again. I mean seriously who hasn’t pulled out the ‘snake’ while watching her in the ‘Hit Me Baby One More Time’ Video or enjoying those monster nipples during her performance at the 1999 Kid’s Choice Awards… of course those days are gone.
Luckily I am not here to ramble on about past episodes of ‘Masturbatory Theatre.’

No, I am here to chat about the current train wreck that is Britney Spears. Now this is something that you will not on any of the gossip shows because the average person does not understand or care about what I am going to mention. I personally believe that Britney Spears in some huge financial trouble. So why do I think this? Well I have 2 words that will sum up my reasonings. Most people in the blogging and internet marketing world may understand my theory, but some of you may need and explanation. The 2 words that accurately describe and predict the financial downfall of Britney Spears is…

Google Adsense

For those of you that do not know what Google Adsense is, it is (in short) an advertising system created by Google that allows people with a blog or website to place a bit of code within their website, and Google will place ads on your website or blog. When someone comes to your site and clicks on an ad, you get paid.

If you head to the Britney Spears Official website and scroll to the bottom of the page you will find a Google Adsense block.

britney spears pic

Not so funny right?

Here is why the seasoned bloggers and webmasters are laughing now. Generally (and I hate to make generalizations but…) Google Adsense pays just pennies per ad click. For some sites that have certain keywords targeted you will get paid a decent amount of money, but for the most part, your just getting pennies per click.

So to me it seems that Britney is going really broke because she has just crossed over to the internet equivalent of begging for change on the streets. It’s really sad but I guess she needs all the help she can get, so why not head over to her site and toss a few pennies her way.

But before you go why not watch the music video for ‘Hit me Baby One More Time’ and think of me:
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