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“He’s 8 years old and smells like Robert Downey Jr”

That’s right, as far as I can recall Robert Downey Jr is a washed up drunken hack. Taking a quick look at his career on imdb.com I notice that he got off to a great start in the 80’s and slowly was becoming an unstoppable force, and just when his stardom was on a major rise, it was promptly was kicked in the junk and fell to the floor like a moldy bag of tangerines.

Of course now it seems that he is on the rise again. With the latest success of Iron Man and Tropic Thunder and the upcoming heart-wrenching , make you cry and feel uplifted film The Soloist is Robert Downey Jr. on a comeback?

I seriously hope not.

When I think of comebacks I am always brought back to 1994 when John Travolta played Vincent Vega in Pulp Fiction. That was a deserved comeback. Johnny T is a respectable hardworking actor. Travolta deserved a comeback, Downey did not.

Even though I have a soft spot for the 1989 film “Chances Are,” I firmly believe that if Robert Downey Jr continues his journey to the top, or even one day gets an Oscar, this will signal the end of days.

Downey is a drunken junkie. Not a great actor.

Why should we take the time to praise our junkies? Maybe it’s time that I go to the apartment below mine and congratulate the junkie that lives there on creating successful meth lab. Maybe I should walk up to him and say: “Wow, I hear people banging on your window looking for drugs all night. Your more successful than a 7-11, keep up the good work!”

Robert Downey Jr is just like the guy who lives below me. A junkie. Let’s start treating him like a junkie. Don’t let him make a comeback.

Do your part and don’t go see any Robert Downey Jr movies, don’t rent any of his old movies, and if he ever wins an Oscar, throw a huge fit ( I know I will). Please help spread the news about the plague that is Robert Downey Jr and Stumble or Digg this post.

Conversation point: Do you agree that Downey is a piece of composted watermelon rinds, or has he done anything good for this world. Lets hear what the Downey lovers have to say…

On September 22, 2007, Veronica Mars aired for the first time on the now defunct UPN network.  It was brilliant.  Over the course of its three seasons, the few people actually watching it got to see television at its best.  When it wasn’t picked up for a fourth season, I actually took the time to write to the network and tell them what I thought of their decision.  Suffice it to say that TV doesn’t usually stir such passion in me.

I have to start with our firecracker title character.  Kristen Bell was perfectly cast in the role, giving her a depth of character I rarely see in any entertainment medium.  Veronica was complex.  Sure she was witty and intelligent.  Of course she was good looking and funny.  Yes she was the girl I always wished existed when I was in high school but would have to wait much, much longer to actually meet.  She was also overconfident, occasionally petty and insensitive, and very prone to trusting her gut when she shouldn’t, often to disastrous consequence.  In short, she was very nearly a goddess.  When her heart broke, mine did too.

The rest of the casting was also very good.  While virtually all of the characters were standard archetypes (the steadfast best friend, the bad boy with a heart of gold, the sleazy PI, etc…), the actors brought something to make them special and memorable.  Enrico Colantoni as Veronica’s dad and Tina Majorino as Mac are particular favourites of mine.  Michael Muhney as Sherriff Lamb also deserves a special mention.

This show was densely plotted.  There was a single overarching mystery that ran the length of the season, there were also smaller mysteries that would get solved over a three or four episode arc, and each individual episode would have a mystery that would be solved during the episode.  The third season broke from this in that there was no season long mega-mystery.  Instead, the writers decided that it would be easier to get new viewers into the show if they broke the season in half and had two smaller mysteries rather than the larger one.  I’m sure that opinions differ, but season three, while being very good, was definitely my least favourite for that very reason.

I don’t know why Veronica Mars failed.  Maybe playing in the same time-slot as Lost was its undoing.  Perhaps the network didn’t promote it effectively.  Maybe the continuity heavy serial nature of the show was its undoing, although programs such as the aforementioned Lost or Heroes are just as continuity heavy and seem to be thriving.  I’m sure the reasons for its demise are just as complex as Veronica was. 

I do know that I can see Kristen Bell in Heroes now, and though I like the character she plays (Elle) it isn’t the same.   So raise those glasses again and toast Veronica Mars.  Two amazing seasons and one really good one, at least she never got the chance to age gracelessly.

This first column is going to be about that friend of mine.

Stripes was shifty. Even his good friends could never shake the feeling that he would have sold them out for a suit of Plasticman armour and an NG-Super. He probably wasn’t even liked or respected by other members of his race. His fur was patchy and burned away in spots, he smelled bad, he had a double fistful of psychoses, he could barely speak any language, and he wasn’t very smart in general, despite calling himself Dr. Stripes and trying to charge you for his advice.

Despite all this, Stripes taught me how to be an adventurer.

No matter how poor an idea might have been, Stripes committed to it with his entire being. Assault on Chi-Town? Stripes was there with guns blazing. T-Rex eats all? There he is in the arena fighting for all he’s worth. Sell out the rest of the party for a cache of equipment? Stripes is balls deep into the scheme. He defined tenacity, proving that you may not get what you want, but you’ll have a dang good time trying to get it.

Stripes was resilient. He survived a fall from around 800 feet not once, but twice. And walked, okay limped, away to bark the tale. He survived more gunshot and laser wounds to his body than any three other people I know. I can’t imagine all the mental trauma and psychic pain he endured to end up with all those phobias and nervous tics. It just boggles my mind that he could endure after the sheer amount of punishment inflicted on him during his short life. He was a Wolfen legend.

So raise your bottle in toast to Stripes, an unparallelled adventurer and a friend without peer.

Despite the fact that I recently learned that Mr T is the ‘T’ in IT, it seems that has not not adapted himself to the internet. I have done a bunch of searching with little results.

MY new tactic is to try and find Mr T using strategies that would have been successful in his prime: The 80’s. I have decided that I am going to try and find Mr T through the “Mr T fan club.” Although I have no actually proof that this fan club exists, I only assume that it does because every major 80’s icon had a fan club.

And of course I can find no reference to this fan club on the internet, so I have turned to my trusted friend eBay to help me out. I have just put in a bid on a group of 3 A-Team comics from the 80’s. I only hope this comic book has a section that tells about the “Mr T fan club.”

I also hope that it has wicked add for Sea Monkeys as well.

Maybe I have some problems with the part of my brain that identifies people. Maybe this part of the brain is limited to a handful of people. Of course I think this disability is directly related to Gary Oldman. I am really starting to think I have a condition, a condition I like to call:

Oldmanidentisis

There may be some of you suffer this very affliction. If you have the inability to indentify Gary Oldman when you see him, then maybe you suffer from Oldmanidentisis. For most of you it is not a debilitating disability, but for me, I pride myself on being able to notice actors and connect them with other actors and projects they have done. I pick up on all of the subtle nuances that a filmmaker adds to a film. As I like to say: “I watch the movie good.”

But for some reason I cannot identify Gary Oldman when I see him.

Last night I went to see “The Dark Knight” with a large chunk of my Dork crew. I am not going to ramble on about the film, or give my opinion, I will leave that up to another Dork to post about. As we were watching the film and the character Jim Gordon came on the screen, I leaned over to Robin and said “That dude looks like the Kokanee Ranger.” What I should have said was “Gary Oldman looks like the Kokanee Ranger.” [sorry to all of you that have not seen the Kokanee commercials you may not get this reference; it's a Canadian thing.]

It wasn’t until the end of the movie when I saw the credits and I realized that it was in fact Gary Oldman. I understand that he played the same role in “Batman Begins,” but again I must have not noticed him.

The actor Gary Oldman is an enigma to me (and to those that are afflicted with Oldmanidentisis).

I do not think there is any treatment for this condition. I am screwed. I am going to live my whole life not being able to identify Gary Oldman. I just hope that I am not the only one with Oldmanidentisis. Maybe it’s just me, but the images above do not look like the same person. Am I going crazy or is Oldmanidentisis really affecting my ability to watch Gary Oldman movies?

Please help create awareness for the debilitating disablitiy: Oldmanidentisis and Digg or Stumble Upon this article

It’s the truth! No one really cares how tubby of a dork I am [except for maybe my fiancee]. Most of you are probably struggling with your own fat issues. Welp, here it is: I am going to try to make you care about my weight loss.

So how am I going to do this?

By losing weight by playing a video game. I recently purchased the Nintendo DS My Weight Loss Coach. I figure that because I really can’t get into the swing of regular exercise I figure the best way to get going is by letting a video game tell me what to do. Awesome! No thinking required, just follow the games instructions and ‘bickety bam’ back to thin Chris. I just hope that the Nintendo DS My Weight Loss Coach will help we lose enough weight so I can tuxedo shopping this August.

Now I am not a huge guy. I’m just bigger than I remember ever being. I am a victim of my own circumstance. For the last 2 years I have either been going to school for web design, doing internet marketing work from home, or graphic design work. All of these things require my ass to be glued to a chair. So naturally I went from my normal 180lbs all the way up to 230lbs (at my fattest).

Holy F@#K, I was a tubby bitch!

Currently I am at 214lbs which is still too big. So this is where the Nintendo DS My Weight Loss Coach comes in. Before I bought the game I read a bunch of reviews of the game and found a lot of mixed results. At first I decided that I would not purchase the game…and then I changed my mind. So now Nintendo DS My Weight Loss Coach is practically glued to the inside of my DS.

When I first loaded up the game I was asked a whole bunch of questions about myself in order to get an idea of what my current health and weight situation is. And then it started barking orders! At first it wanted me to drink a glass of water, then it told me to strap on the pedometer (which is included in the game) and walk 500 steps. It basically did a bunch of things to get me familiar with how the game works. The Nintendo DS My Weight Loss Coach is actually pretty addictive thus far AND it is really easy and super motivational. It doesn’t really make you work that hard. So far I have just made tiny little changes to my life, and have barely even done any exercise and I feel awesome.

There are a few things that you do on a daily basis with Nintendo DS My Weight Loss Coach. First off, in the morning you start off by selecting a few challenges that fit into 3 categories:

Minute Challenge: These are things that you can do right away. Such as Make some hot tea, situps, sit down and stand up 10 times, hold your arms out to your side for 10 seconds.

and

24 Hour Challenge: These are things that you can do in the next 24 hours. Such as concentrate on how the tips of your toes propel you forward when you walk, walk through a park, walk to a scenic or relaxing location, prepare a cold meal for dinner.

Both of these categories have both food and physical related task, and you can choose up to 6 challenges. And like I said before they are really easy. It seems that the Nintendo DS My Weight Loss Coach is focused on walking, which is really good because I hate running.

The next thing you do is clip on your pedometer and begin your day. Throughout your day you will try to find places where you can execute the really simple challenges. Personally I do most of my challenges on the way to work.

At the end of your day you then enter all of the food you have eaten during the day and mark down any physical activities you have done. The Nintendo DS My Weight Loss Coach then tells you whether you have achieved a “Perfect Balance” or not. This is basically making sure that you have eaten enough food throughout the day to keep your metabolism going. I have found that I really don’t eat enough food throughout the day. I’m pretty stoked to be able to eat more food and loose weight.

The game is pretty cool in the sense that it calculates your metabolism for you, let’s you know your BMI(body mass index), and sets you up with realistic weight loss goals. Right now the Nintendo DS My Weight Loss Coach wants me to loose 8 pounds in the next month.

A few other great features are that it customizes your challenges based your answers to questions, has a personal coaching section, and has some great trivia games to keep you entertained and educated.

Over the next weeks I am going to be chronically my weight loss adventures using no other advice than the Nintendo DS My Weight Loss Coach’s advice. I’ve read way too many books and blogs on weight loss and have accomplished nothing. So at this point I will be a true dork and point my weight loss future in the hands of a video game.

As of right now may current stats are:

Weight: 214 lbs
BMI: 30.7

My goal:
Weight: 190 lbs
BMI: 24.9

If you are interested in loosing weight with me by using the Nintendo DS My Weight Loss Coach, then I suggest that you head to eBay or Amazon and pick up a copy there. You can find it there pretty cheap:

……………………………..

I’ve added a few videos to show how the Nintendo DS My Weight Loss Coach game looks.

I have a really hard time understanding why, or even how someone can bungle the chords to a song SO badly. Its not like playing another artist music leaves a whole lot of room for change. You can play the same song in another key or something the like, or add in a few supplementary chords to spicethings up a bit. But YOU CANNOT JUST FKN MAKE SHIT UP. If someone is going to go to all the trouble of posting a song they figured out online, then they should make sure its correct. The purpose in putting it online is to provide an ACCURATE representation of the song for someone else to learn.

If I wanted to do a puzzle, the last place I would look to do it is on a guitar tablature site.

Figuring out a song, and writing it down can be good practice, and quite rewarding. But before you present it to the general public, play it a few times. Take a good look at it. Make sure it looks right, and is playable the way you wrote it. Someone once sait to me, “If a man cant be bothered to polish his shoes, imagine the other things he cant be bothered to do”. Like tune his guitar, or wipe his ass after taking a shit.

Point is ….. if you cant be bothered to make ‘educational’ material correct, then stop wiping your ass. Or someone else is going to have to do it for you. Only babies, and geriatrics should get that kind of special treatement.

The Duck

B===D —  –  -  ______      Spurt

My first thoughts were: Angelina Jolie and Morgan Freeman wouldn’t both make poor movie choices would they?

After the first 5 minutes of the film I had realized that I was trapped. I was stuck in a watching a movie that was going to be garbage. I’m not really a film snob, but sometimes I can be. Of course I have the ability to turn off the snob factor and enjoy a movie for what it is. Just entertainment.

So I decided to put away the fact that James McAvoys attempt at an american accent made it seem like he was a bad actor, and also the fact that the character of Welsey Gibson seemed to change his personality at the drop of a hat.

So again, step 1: Enjoy it as an action movie.

As soon as Angeline showed up on screen it was a bit of a relief. Ok someone is here to save this film. And for the next 10 minutes of action she did. I thought alright I came for an action movie and this is what I am getting.

And then the action went away and I was left with story. And I kept swearing to myself that I had heard this story before. So I just sat there waiting for the next action scene, which sadly came near the end of the movie.

I normally love bloody gory violence. I’m talking Scorsese style point blank bullets through the brain kind of violence. And this movie had that. But something about it was just off. I still do not know what it was, but I just did not enjoy the slow motion bullets through the head. And they used the slow motion ‘Matrix bullet time’ effect way too much.

The familiar story line still bugged me…until I actually figured out where they had ripped the story of from. For the average person it would be hard to notice the similarity, but as a super dork I saw it. I think as I spell it out here it will be obvious:

[spoiler alert]
1. Main character has no real family.
2. Main character meets someone who tells them that some evil person/organization has killed the father they never knew.
3. Main character has some special ability that is rarely found in people.
4. Main character must train and properly harness this power prior to confronting ‘this evil’ that has killed his father.
5. Main character realizes that the ‘evil’ entity/organization is actually his father.

Start guessing kids…

Anyhow, to get to the meat and potato part. It said this out of nowhere :

“What the Fv<K does Al Gore Know about anything anyhow“   *scratch* *grunt*   “Global warming is a joke. It doesnt exist. What happends when you put an ice cube into water and let it melt ? The water stays the same fv<king level”.

I tried to reason with the ape for a short period of time, but it would apear it could only speak english, not understand it. Because I had more important things to do than argue the valid points of climate change with an ape, I went back to work. But the whole incident got me thinking…….

What do I actually KNOW about climate change, and global warming ? Very little. I hear about it all the time on the news, in newspapers, and in conversations with friends, and family. 99% of what I thought I knew, is pure speculation. I havent seen any proof of the ocean level rising. I have never been to either of the Poles to see for myself how the ice-caps are melting, and breaking away. Nor will I, most likely. I dont get more sun burnt now than I did as a child. Big cities, and industrial towns have always had a yellow stinky haze around them.

The one thing that I DO KNOW has changed, is the weather patterns. It seems to be going bizonkers all across the earth. Floods, snow storms, heat waves, tornadoes, tsunamis, hurricaines, and all other extremes are actually becoming a pretty serious problem. Im not so sure the ocean level will rise significantly, or that the climate in general is going to get a lot warmer. As we get more heat, and the ice caps actually do start evaporating, it will just create more precipitation, more air currents for insane ‘tropical’ storms, and tidal currents for tsunamis and such. All of these things together will make summers hotter, spring wetter, winter colder, and snowy’r, and …. well, nobody likes fall anyways. Gotta go back to school. But the weather systems will get crazy. From one extreme to the other.

Thats just my oppinion.

Now for the lamen science fair :

I am going to check into this ocean level rising thing for myself. I have devised a grade 5 experiment involving miniature icebergs, that I will create myself, and a sealed tub. Im going to make the goofy cardboard backboard thing, with the hypothesis……. and all the other stuff. I’ll figure out what those are later. I will be making some little vids, and taking some pics of the entire thing. Its going to be fun.

Feel free to make your own science fair project, and document it for us all to see. Also any input you guys have would be good to know. Thanks.

More later.

The Duck     B===o  –  –    -   -