Robert Downey Jr is the Junkie that Lives Downstairs

robert downey jr mug shotWhenever I think of Robert Downey Jr I think of a line from movie Baseketball

“He’s 8 years old and smells like Robert Downey Jr”

That’s right, as far as I can recall Robert Downey Jr is a washed up drunken hack. Taking a quick look at his career on imdb.com I notice that he got off to a great start in the 80’s and slowly was becoming an unstoppable force, and just when his stardom was on a major rise, it was promptly was kicked in the junk and fell to the floor like a moldy bag of tangerines.

Of course now it seems that he is on the rise again. With the latest success of Iron Man and Tropic Thunder and the upcoming heart-wrenching , make you cry and feel uplifted film The Soloist is Robert Downey Jr. on a comeback?

I seriously hope not.

When I think of comebacks I am always brought back to 1994 when John Travolta played Vincent Vega in Pulp Fiction. That was a deserved comeback. Johnny T is a respectable hardworking actor. Travolta deserved a comeback, Downey did not.

Even though I have a soft spot for the 1989 film “Chances Are,” I firmly believe that if Robert Downey Jr continues his journey to the top, or even one day gets an Oscar, this will signal the end of days.

Downey is a drunken junkie. Not a great actor.

Why should we take the time to praise our junkies? Maybe it’s time that I go to the apartment below mine and congratulate the junkie that lives there on creating successful meth lab. Maybe I should walk up to him and say: “Wow, I hear people banging on your window looking for drugs all night. Your more successful than a 7-11, keep up the good work!”

Robert Downey Jr is just like the guy who lives below me. A junkie. Let’s start treating him like a junkie. Don’t let him make a comeback.

Do your part and don’t go see any Robert Downey Jr movies, don’t rent any of his old movies, and if he ever wins an Oscar, throw a huge fit ( I know I will). Please help spread the news about the plague that is Robert Downey Jr and Stumble or Digg this post.

Conversation point: Do you agree that Downey is a piece of composted watermelon rinds, or has he done anything good for this world. Lets hear what the Downey lovers have to say…

Will The Real Gary Oldman Please Stand Up

Actor Gary Oldman

Maybe I have some problems with the part of my brain that identifies people. Maybe this part of the brain is limited to a handful of people. Of course I think this disability is directly related to Gary Oldman. I am really starting to think I have a condition, a condition I like to call:

Oldmanidentisis

There may be some of you suffer this very affliction. If you have the inability to indentify Gary Oldman when you see him, then maybe you suffer from Oldmanidentisis. For most of you it is not a debilitating disability, but for me, I pride myself on being able to notice actors and connect them with other actors and projects they have done. I pick up on all of the subtle nuances that a filmmaker adds to a film. As I like to say: “I watch the movie good.”

But for some reason I cannot identify Gary Oldman when I see him.

Last night I went to see “The Dark Knight” with a large chunk of my Dork crew. I am not going to ramble on about the film, or give my opinion, I will leave that up to another Dork to post about. As we were watching the film and the character Jim Gordon came on the screen, I leaned over to Robin and said “That dude looks like the Kokanee Ranger.” What I should have said was “Gary Oldman looks like the Kokanee Ranger.” [sorry to all of you that have not seen the Kokanee commercials you may not get this reference; it’s a Canadian thing.]

Gary Oldman Kokanee Ranger

It wasn’t until the end of the movie when I saw the credits and I realized that it was in fact Gary Oldman. I understand that he played the same role in “Batman Begins,” but again I must have not noticed him.

The actor Gary Oldman is an enigma to me (and to those that are afflicted with Oldmanidentisis).

I do not think there is any treatment for this condition. I am screwed. I am going to live my whole life not being able to identify Gary Oldman. I just hope that I am not the only one with Oldmanidentisis. Maybe it’s just me, but the images above do not look like the same person. Am I going crazy or is Oldmanidentisis really affecting my ability to watch Gary Oldman movies?

Please help create awareness for the debilitating disablitiy: Oldmanidentisis and Digg or Stumble Upon this article.

Wanted: I’m Still Not Sure What My Thoughts Are…

wanted angelina jolie naked

My first thoughts were: Angelina Jolie and Morgan Freeman wouldn’t both make poor movie choices would they?

After the first 5 minutes of the film I had realized that I was trapped. I was stuck in a watching a movie that was going to be garbage. I’m not really a film snob, but sometimes I can be. Of course I have the ability to turn off the snob factor and enjoy a movie for what it is. Just entertainment.

So I decided to put away the fact that James McAvoys attempt at an american accent made it seem like he was a bad actor, and also the fact that the character of Welsey Gibson seemed to change his personality at the drop of a hat.

So again, step 1: Enjoy it as an action movie.

As soon as Angeline showed up on screen it was a bit of a relief. Ok someone is here to save this film. And for the next 10 minutes of action she did. I thought alright I came for an action movie and this is what I am getting.

And then the action went away and I was left with story. And I kept swearing to myself that I had heard this story before. So I just sat there waiting for the next action scene, which sadly came near the end of the movie.

I normally love bloody gory violence. I’m talking Scorsese style point blank bullets through the brain kind of violence. And this movie had that. But something about it was just off. I still do not know what it was, but I just did not enjoy the slow motion bullets through the head. And they used the slow motion ‘Matrix bullet time’ effect way too much.

The familiar story line still bugged me…until I actually figured out where they had ripped the story of from. For the average person it would be hard to notice the similarity, but as a super dork I saw it. I think as I spell it out here it will be obvious:

[spoiler alert]
1. Main character has no real family.
2. Main character meets someone who tells them that some evil person/organization has killed the father they never knew.
3. Main character has some special ability that is rarely found in people.
4. Main character must train and properly harness this power prior to confronting ‘this evil’ that has killed his father.
5. Main character realizes that the ‘evil’ entity/organization is actually his father.

Start guessing kids…

My favorite movie gun

My personal favorite is the guns from Face-off. Nicholas cages characters guns, not to crazy with the functions but stylized awesomely, gold plated with a see through mag – you can see the bullets – and dual wielded which is super sweet.

My second favorite the guns from the movie Eraser staring the govner Arnold scwrestencwhatever, its a freaking rail gun people with an x-ray scope. The bullets pass through walls and shit, they also leave this cool spiral con trail when the leave the gun.

It also has that cool green laser sight.

I’ve got more but i would love to here you person favs…….here’s to blogging.

Screw the Captain America Shield on Iron Man, I Found Pabst Blue Ribbon

People quite often go ga-ga for shit they see in the background of movies. You know, things that foretell future movies or subtle story lines. Lately people have been talking about Captain America’s shield on Iron Man. I love seeing those little subtleties, and being able to scream out “I watch the movie good”

Well today I say screw all that.

I saw the Indiana Jones movie the other day, and one awesome highlight for me was the fact that in the diner scene the people in the background were drinking none other than Pabst Blue Ribbon. Pabst is one of those understated cheap beers that is pretty awesome. Normally it comes in a can, and is really tough to find in a bottle(I’ve never seen it before). There it was, the Pabst Blue Ribbon bottle sitting on the table. To me that was the star of the movie.

So next time you head to the Cold Beer and Wine store buy a case of Pabst Blue Ribbon and give it a try. The label looks to me like a kitty litter logo, but it still is worth every penny.