Arming Up for the Zombie Showdown

So, what’s the best weapon to have, in case of a zombie apocalypse?

Oooookay . . . . . interesting question

Personally, my vote goes to the shotgun. Often venerated, never under-rated with more bang for your buck than anything ‘cept your sister, it’s gotta be a contender, right? Ordinarily, a shotgun would end most arguments, (and field testing at debate clubs confirm this) but we do have to concern ourselves with the question of ammo. Precisely, what you do when you run out. In this case, the answer is “get proper fucked.” You could use it as a club, which is more than what you could say for other guns. (I’m looking at you Glock. Plastic parts may cut it for Michael Jackson, but not for pistol whipping the undead hordes.) I suppose the crisis of ammo consumption would eliminate most firearms from the list, and probably knocks chainsaws off as well for the similar situation regarding fuel.

Damn, I was looking forward to those.

Anyway, that brings us to weapons without reloading requirements. A baseball bat seems reliable, but the custom jobs seem to break with alarming regularity in the major league. Oh well, you’re probably better off with a cricket bat anyway. You’ve seen “Shaun of the Dead” haven’t you? Could Simon Pegg possibly lie to you?

Could Simon Pegg even kick your ass?

Probably not. Who could? I know.

Toshiro Mifune baby.

So with the reference to cinema’s sovereign samurai, as our segue way into the suggestion of swords, the debate continues. You may lack the relevant martial experience, but do you really need it? Bruce Willis wasn’t a sword-slinger, but Zed is still dead. Availability of the katana might be an issue, so if you’re looking for some heavy metal to cleave with on a budget, you could probably make do with a fire-axe, available at most office and apartment building fire-stations. I guess the big issue with these choices is if you have enough force behind your swing to slice all the way through. If not, your sharpie is now stuck in a zombie, leaving you defenseless.

You know, this is a tough question. Just give me a minute to do some research, and reacquaint myself with the enemy.

From “thefullzombie.com” ”

A zombie will remain in a robot-like state indefinitely until he tastes either salt or meat. Then he becomes aware of his condition and returns to the grave.”
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
We’re worried about an apocalyptic attack from an army that can be subdued by Oscar Meyer? God damn it, I just know Toshiro Mifune, is spinning in his grave right now. Of course if I’m wrong and he and the other six samurai do rise from the grave, at least we can take those bitches down with hot dogs.